OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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