Kiss
Puke
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
