if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize