i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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