She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
