Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize