I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
