I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
