Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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