You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
