Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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