My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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