New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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