i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize