her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
