so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
