remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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