dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
