its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
