ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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