Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Randomize
