Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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