Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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