i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
