I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
