We're facebook friends in real life
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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