I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
