Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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