sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
