I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
