I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
