I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
