THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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