well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
my poor anus
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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