Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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