I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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