WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
