we have pet lesbian snakes
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
