I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
God, I missed his penis.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
