Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize