my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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