u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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