the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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