u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
