Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
