God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
