He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
