I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i barfeds in our rink
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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