Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
