I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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