hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
