I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
