If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize