There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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