Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
