Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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