flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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