I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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