just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
