Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
