I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
