We won't sleep together?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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