At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
