i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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