There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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