every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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