You're a womanizer and a bitch.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
