I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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