dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
