I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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