and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
