I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
