then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
