nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
