having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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