Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
