somebody snuck up and got me drunk
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
