oh god the rape fog is back!
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
