so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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