I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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