she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
