I looked at my own cervix.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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