Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
this boner is exhausting
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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