i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
